First Father’s Day Letter

View More: http://courtneycookimagery.pass.us/micaylafamA Letter to Zack, Happy First Father’s Day.

Walking up sleeping giant, I would have never imagined we’d be where we are now. Your first Father’s Day. I hope it brings joy to hear it, because it brings me so much to see it. I wanted to take the time to say a few words in your honor today.

I will never forget the moment I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified. It wasn’t exactly a dream come true. While totally unexpected, having Damian is one of the most beautiful things that has happened to me. I remember feeling like something was just different. I knew I was pregnant. I walked aimlessly around work with a knot in my stomach, and even though I was in denial, part of me knew. I cried, but I wasn’t sad.

Kristen was standing in front of me and asked me:

“Well what are you gonna do?”.

“I don’t know” I had said.

I was scared and worried. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, and I knew you felt like you weren’t anywhere near ready. I went home and cried again.

The next nine months were spent throwing up almost everything I ate, fighting constant heartburn, aches and pains, sleepless nights and awful hormone changes/mood swings. Some people were so happy for us.

It hurt so much that people so close to me felt as though I had ruined my life.

We had fights, and plenty of disagreements. Some nights I cried myself to sleep, not knowing if I’d end up a single mother of two.

But we made it.

I knew it was going to be a hard change for you, and a lot to deal with at once.

I know, because I’ve done it.

From exhaustion to all different types of new stress, to the demands of fatherhood after working all day, its not all rainbows and unicorns.You feel like you’re losing pieces of yourself along the way.

Well, you did.

But don’t mourn their loss, they got replaced with even better, brand new ones.

Just when I thought I couldn’t love you any more than I already did, a metamorphasis took place.

The day Damian was born you transformed into an amazing father. You were right there, from the start. You held my hand while I pushed and cried from the pain. You told me I was doing great when I just wanted it to be over.

I saw a sparkle in your eyes as you held your son for the first time. You were eager to learn the basics, changing your first diaper at the hospital.

Not only were you there for him, but you were there for me.

For everything I needed, you stood by me and helped me through it all. You slept on that god-awful hospital couch every night until we left. You held my hand when the nurse rolled our brand new baby away to ICU.

Scared and worried didn’t begin to cover the emotion we were housing.

One of the nights I laid there and just cried, unsure if our new baby was going to be okay.

I couldn’t have been happier sharing this parenting journey with anyone but you. When I have needed you, you were there. When you needed me, I was there for you.

We fought through his unyeilding gassiness, endless tiresome nights, trying everything to get him to stop crying. I remember being exhausted, crying as I pumped breast milk at 3am.

I remember how hard it was and how much pain I was in at times. I loved how you’d move him a certain way when I was feeding him to help him latch better, just like the nurse had showed you in the hospital.

You always encouraged me to continue what I was doing. Your encouragement for everything I do is amazing. You are my rock when I feel like falling apart.

It’s still not easy and you continue to amaze me. Seeing the way you and Damian laugh and play together is beautiful. Their eyes light up the second you walk through the door after work. It brings tears to my eyes to see how much both of the kids love you.

After an exhausting day, you find time to support Kali with softball practice in the yard, take care of them so I can make dinner, brush Kali’s teeth, lay in her bed to read a story and tuck her in ever so sweetly. Even as she fights, wanting to stay awake. You have gained a lot of patience, my dear.

 

You often say to me, “I don’t know how you do it”.

I’ll let you in on my secret.

Blessed doesn’t even cover it. I wake up every morning, my heart exploding with happiness. I’m lucky enough to be in love with my best friend. I get to wake up and see your face (drooling on the reg), I get to watch you be father like a pro, cuddle Kali like a friend, and kiss me like I’m in a fairy tale.

You are a true blessing to our children. You work so hard to provide for our family and only ask for love (dinner, beer and sleep) in return. You teach them solid work ethic, and unconditional love, every day. You mean the world to us. And we love you to the moon and back. Parenting with you is a true joy. We are such a good team, Zack, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Happy First Father’s Day ❤

 

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